Taking small steps!

walking with babies and children

Thanks to those kind people who have sponsored me already to walk the 10,000 steps.  March is the beginning of the challenge and March is tomorrow.  I need sponsors to shame me into making sure that I do those steps.  You can be one if you follow THIS LINK.

Rising from my accustomed idleness towards the goal of 10,000 steps, I find (thanks Rachel) that there is an app with a heart which tells me how many footsteps I have taken each day.  About 4000 does the dog walk once, 2000 is round the house and up and down the stairs and then there are the very teeny tiny small steps I take attached to the once teeny tiny now nearly walking baby who is back for a short stay because her mother has the flu.  I realise that meditation is not physical exercise and nor is tapping away on the computer and that both those non-activity activities haven't prepared me for doubling my daily walk.  Even if I take very small steps on the dog walk, it doesn't add much so I realise I just have to double the effort.

Walking round and round the kitchen with the about to be walking baby gets easier as she gets taller because I don't have to lean over so far.  It is a most interesting thing watching a baby grow up.  We are excited by each new step, thrilled when she pulls herself up but then realise that shortly all the kitchen cupboards will need to be made Bea proof.  I am thinking as I walk round the kitchen and up and down the hall with those small fingers tightly gripping mine that before long, she will be off, she will be walking around by herself.  And then she will be walking out of the front door attached to a hand and eventually she will be out of that door, will have passed her driving test and be waving us all goodbye as she takes 

off to University and then into life and perhaps off to foreign lands.  When you are in the midst of rice cakes and broken nights you can't imagine the day when that baby who seemed to actually belong to you, has taken her or himself off into his or her own life.  It is partly a triumph and partly a rather sad part of being a mother or grandmother.

Ray-zing money for nurses because of the three times free Ray

Watching the last few weeks of a life highlights important things.  One of them is good nursing.  There is nothing like a good nurse with the relevant skills to relieve pain, to give confidence and comfort and to work with the person and the person's family.  If that person knows that their body isn't going to dominate and pain cloud the mind, they can begin to move in their own way towards the exit gate.  Now that requires love and skill.

 Without nursing in place, finding the exit gate can be a horrid horrid experience for the person going that way and for their family and friends.  Our three times free friend, Raymond got the best of nursing at the end but it had to be fought for because this service is strapped for nurses and strapped for cash.  He was able to be just where he wanted to be and it meant his family who had walked the steps of his illness up to then could confidently keep him company without being overwhelmed by unnecessary anguish, his or theirs.

Its a daffodil walk in March

But nurses are in short supply and good nurses need to be trained.  People who have nursing within them, need to be encouraged that this is a great great career even if it isn't the best paid job in the world.  It is great because it allows great love to flow naturally and that doesn't happen in every job.  Other professions require different qualities but good and loving nurses and doctors are what makes the difference to a person in pain or fearful.

So, I am going to walk 10,000 steps a day through March which doesn't sound too bad does it?  It is also lucky for the dogs and lucky for me who currently am far from fit and far from thin.  I am doing it because Marie Curie promises to give more people the sort of care which makes the difference but they need the money to do it.   I am also doing it because I saw what a difference it made to Ray and to all his family.  I also saw how pressed the services are to provide it and that they need all the support they can give.  If you would like to help me raise enough money to fund a nurse, go to the just giving page.  I will do my very best to walk and will be hugely encouraged by support.

Forgetting the birthday PRESENT

What a lot of parcels there are!

Oh Benji, Whoops, we forgot that today you were going to be all of 3 years old.  We  shouldn't have forgotten because your name is on the list on the back of the kitchen door.  There are 3 February birthdays in our family whose names are on that list and each one of you is presentless or more or less presentless.  I expect wherever each of you were when your birthday dawned, those kind people who were present presented their presents, those not present had a bit more difficulty getting their gift through to you.  One lot of birthday chocolates are currently still impounded in Indonesia or may have been eaten by the customs officers!  

We are a bit wary of sending things which may not reach the person with the birthday.  But being our sort of age, we seldom look at what date it is and consequently forgetting important dates happens.  We are building up a huge stack of presents here for the time when those who can,  come and collect them, some will be birthday, some will be Christmas but they will be telling you that we may forget the dates but we never forget the birthday boys and girls.   

Only two ways of connecting, love and indifference

Pump Street Bakery, a good place for doughnuts

We met up for coffee at the Pump Street Bakery in Orford.  It, being Lent, meant we divided a doughnut three ways and then sat with our coffee in the sun discussing life, old friends and hoping for future meetings.  His daughter, Claire is the woman worth listening to (see blog entry).  He had visited her teacher in India and we were talking about what this teacher had that was  particular and how he managed to convey it and why.  My friend  said that this man connected with each person exactly where they were without criticism, seeing only the goodness of spirit in them.  We then talked a bit more about love, the four of us there round the table in the sun in Orford, doughnut crumbs only left and he said that the wise say that there are only two ways of connecting with another person (if you are wise!);  one is in love and the other is with indifference.  Now, don't you think that is a surprising answer?  But examine it carefully as we did and we concluded that if it is hard to love someone, someone who maybe doesn't like you or who thinks badly of you, the best alternative you can offer is not to mind, that is to be indifferent to their dislike and even maybe to pray that the dislike drops off them because dislike is never comfortable for the disliker however justified it may seem.  Somewhere inside each one of us, we know with absolute certainty that the proper connection between all people is to be loving and to be kind and to look for the best. 

So, we gathered ourselves together, promised to meet again next time we were all in Suffolk and went on our way a little the wiser and certainly thinking about all that we had talked about.  It meant that we didn't spend too long thinking about the other doughnuts in the shop or all the other delicious pastries and breads BUNS and chocolates and long lazy breakfasts. The doughnuts are on the counter see them here!!! Hope our birthday Bun all that way away is having a huge great birthday cake for tea.

Oldness doesn't have to be awful.

Seckford Almshouses, now a residential home

We go to visit an old friend now in a residential home.  She has her own small flat, kitchen and sitting room and a few of her own things.  It is a far cry from the colourful collections of pictures and china and photographs which were in her own house and of course has no garden.  She had a wonderful overflowing sort of garden, English and full of roses and delphiniums and of course a lawn.  She knew that it was time to move so she alerted the family, put the house on the market and booked into an old converted almshouse very near where she had been brought up as a child.  This was our first visit to her since her move and once we had also dismissed the thought of her house and its loveliness and settled in to chat, we found so much of the person exactly as ever.  Not so tall now and a bit more dependent on a stick, her sympathy and way of listening and her wonderful breaking into an almost schoolgirl giggle revealed that nothing about her had really changed.  We asked about life in the home and especially what entertainments were provided.  She giggled and told us about a group of lady belly dancers from Felixstowe who, with quite a lot of belly, had come to demonstrate the delights of belly dancing.  We wondered if they were looking for recruits!  More giggles and then we asked about the old boys who might be in the home too.  She said that they had all pushed their wheelchairs right to the front of the room to better see those Suffolk beauties and their bellies.  She also told us about the Elvis lookalike who had entertained them and been most convincing. Our friend said how amazing he was considering he was just the postman from Bealings in his normal everyday life.  One of the other senior residents said she had enjoyed it because she had always wanted to see Elton John! 

Old age may not have many obvious delights about it or not many obvious ones but seeing this old friend did help us to see that giving up on some of the duties and responsibilities of life didn't mean stopping having a sense of humour.  So, don't give your sense of humour up for Lent

Father Laurence on 40 days without Crisps and Self Centredness

Father Laurence Freeman

That huge supply of hula hoops left uneaten by the troops last month will just have to stay in the cupboard for another 45 days as Grandpa and I head into Lent.  Other things go too, chocolate, wine and crisps are out.  Curiously we look forward to it, knowing perhaps that first of all we need it but secondly, going without some favourite things can make others, usually rather overlooked, appear delightful.  Nobody is asking us to give up toast and butter, to give up hot baths and blazing log fires.  We can still go walking by the sea and go to the cinema, we can enjoy our friends and do jigsaw puzzles, we aren't going to starve in a cold hovel, we are staying at home together.  Staying at home or rather finding ourselves at home is part of this talk by one of the great heroes of meditation, Father Laurence who gave this talk on Ash Wednesday a year ago.  It makes sense of  Lent and why it is to be welcomed.  We might see where we could reduce our self-centredness and that has to be a good thing as well as reducing our waistlines by abstaining from the crisps, the chocolate and the wine.  I have found it utterly compelling listening

Women, freedom and Claire, a woman worth watching

Claire

There have been some amazing women taking to the air to speak about what women's suffrage has allowed them to achieve in their lives.  In the world of science, of banking, of literature, of art, of the media, women are achieving marvellous things;  things that we older women perhaps only dreamed would happen.  This freedom to be who they could be was what we wanted for our daughters. But in our hearts we maybe had a fear that in achieving the great world goals, they might lose something.  But here is Claire who stepped out, found a teacher, discovered her own freedom and now offers it to anyone simply and in a straightforward way.  To hear Claire is to realise that  freedom for our daughters and granddaughters can be achieved  and helped by keeping the heart free of trouble.  This is something I hope my grand daughters will listen to....and yours.

baby boomers bothered by baby boomer booze statistics

I secretly wonder if the person talking statistics seriously on the early morning radio programme, talking about the dangers of baby boomers boozing their way to an early death, is her or himself able to go home in the evening and simply sip an approved unit of wine or beer.  In my experience as an experienced baby boomer who probably drinks too much, the person who gets up in the morning, hears the programme about baby boomers being hospitalised with illnesses relating to alcohol, swears to her or himself that this day is the day of moderation and yet by 7.00 or 7.30 pm is having a different internal conversation with him or herself.   She or he is thinking of a gin and tonic followed by a rather nice supper with wine and then another glass or two during Macmafia, the Crown, Foyle's War and Midsummer Murders.  The movement in the mind from morning to evening is the real trouble.  And we baby boomers are now retired and when we aren't walking the dogs or gardening, we have time to go to Lidl and Aldi and Tesco and check out the deals on our favourite Merlot, Shiraz and Chardonnay.  However, we have Lent coming up soon and that gives us a 40 day period of self righteousness.  We then prove to ourselves that we aren't alcoholic and at the end of the 40 day period of abstinence, we open the bottle of champagne, bought earlier because we have clocked the deals coming up via our newly acquired access to the internet and back we go to our old habits.

Or maybe not?